The past two Sundays, I've had the privilege of experiencing a very Scottish event. You know, the events that everyone associates with Scotland. And replicates so that they can be like Scotland. The Highland Games. Now, I've never been to a Highland Games event in the United States (of which there are many), but I've been to two here and I feel the need to warn you about something-- They are not safe.
Many cultures have some sort of activity like this that they pretend is all fun and games, but in reality it's dangerous for everyone involved. In the U.S. we're a big fan of fairs which include rides that have been shakily constructed in a day and flip you upside down in metal cages at alarming speeds. In Mexico they blindfold children and give them a bat, encouraging them to beat up a paper mache animal while other children stand uncomfortably close to them. Here in Scotland, they attend the local Highland games.
Danger #1: Unruly cash machines
You may think that the danger doesn't begin until you actually arrive at the games. Unfortunately, that's not true. On my way to the first set of Highland games that I attended in Edinburgh, I made a stop at the cash machine [ATM] in the Stirling Rail Station. Seems simple enough. Little did I know that the view I had of my trusty Charter One debit card going into the machine was the last glimpse of it I'd ever get. The card went in. I looked at the screen. Nothing. Well, not nothing -- there was a very ironic "please insert card" message flashing on the screen. I tried just about everything I could think of to make the machine either give back my card or recognize that it was being held hostage (I even banged my fist on the machine in a very cool, Fonzie-like manner). Shockingly, this did not work.
Eventually I was left with no option but to call the service number on the side of the machine and explain what had happened. The Scottish man on the other end heard me through and then calmly informed me that there was a glitch in the machine and it had to be reset. Apparently these things actually happen "quite often," and it's "rather unfortunate" that it coincided with my attempted use of the machine. "Don't worry, though. When they come by to service the machine, your card will be destroyed." Oh good. I was hoping that the solution to my problem would be the complete destruction of my only means to cash while I'm in a foreign country. Thank you.
Long story short, I've dealt with the annoyance of not having a debit card for the past two weeks by borrowing cash from helpful flat mates and using a credit card. Recognizing that nothing much could be done at this point in the day, we continued on to Edinburgh to brave the rest of the dangers that we had yet to encounter.
Danger #2: Slipping in/falling in/being sucked into massive pits of mud
Upon our arrival in Edinburgh that day, we simply followed the hoards of people walking down the Royal Mile toward Holyrood Park, the location of The Gathering 2009. The Gathering is a part of a promotion called Homecoming Scotland, which is essentially a tourism ploy that has worked quite well. In celebration of the 250th birthday of Robert Burns, people of Scottish decent from all over the world are invited to come home to Scotland and celebrate their heritage. Pretty cool. The Gathering is one of the main events this summer and includes a Scottish festival and the World Championship Highland Games. There were people from all corners of Scotland and the globe, including a decent number of fellow Americans.
This all sounds well and good until you add in the idea of Scottish weather. In particular, the Scottish rain. Now, in all fairness it did not rain much longer than an hour at the beginning of the day. But, that one hour of misty showers, combined with thousands of people patrolling one large patch of ground, created the most extensive mud pit you've ever imagined. This created quite an atmosphere of chaos. Just imagine the whole day's events taking place in the courtyard between Ketler and Crawford in the rain. As we walked gingerly across one of the more open expanses between the tents, we found ourselves clinging to each other to stay vertical. One wrong move and you would be "that idiot" who fell in the mud, wordlessly labeled for the remainder of the day, ridiculed in 5 different languages. To add to the misfortune, a couple of my companions had decided to wear flip flops that day.
Danger #3: Threat of heart attack
What would cause the heart attack, you ask? The food. Although we Americans would like to think that we have the market cornered on unhealthy foods, I beg to differ. The Scots are at a whole other level. Every hundred feet within the grounds was some sort of food stand catering to all of your fried food needs...
Fish and Chips - These are everywhere in Scotland (and most of the UK for that matter). You may think that because it's fish, it's mildly healthy. It's not. It's deep fried and greasy and the chips (steak fries) are coated in salt. This dish also serves as inspiration for most of the other options available.
Other Fried Novelties - The Scots love to deep fry things. I think they take some pride in the wide variety of things that they are able to deep fry. For example: Haggis. Because what's more appealing than sheep innards? Sheep innards that have been coated in batter and deep fried. They are also fond of deep frying sausages, chicken and cheese. But the number one thing that Scots love to brag about deep frying is a Mars Bar. Deep fried Mars Bars are one of those authentic local things that you secretly wish they had just kept to themselves. For those of you who are unaware, Mars Bars are basically the same as Milky Ways. Candy dipped in batter and soaked in oil. Sadly, since I would prefer to live past the age of 21, I have opted out of trying this culinary masterpiece.
Meat Pies - The next best thing to deep frying something in Scotland is making a pie out of it. In particular, steak pies are very popular. This is essentially pieces of questionable grade beef soaked in gravy and stuck inside dough. There are no vegetables. There is no cheese. It's just meat and dough. But, hey, at least it's not deep fried.
Shortbread - I will admit that I have a soft spot for Scottish shortbread. To be honest, it started way back when I was young and would go to Borders. For some reason, I have vivid memories of getting Walkers shortbread whenever I would go to the Borders Cafe. Since coming here, though, shortbread has made an appearance quite often. It is one of the favorite tourist shop items, as well as a useful thing to be offered alongside coffee and tea at receptions. You almost can't dislike shortbread. After all, it's just flour, butter and sugar. Conveniently, they work as both a dessert and a vegetarian meal option:
Here! Have a meat pie!...What's that? You don't eat meat? Okay, well how about just the crust. And we'll add some sugar as a substitute for the steak.
Danger #4: The Heavyweight Events
Here we go. We're finally to the bit that you think of when you picture a Highland Games in your head. Large men in kilts showing off their strength to hoards of people. It seems rather harmless if standard safety precautions are followed, right? Wrong. The Heavyweight events often many opportunities to kill or maim a large number of people. For your convenience, I have broken up the potential casualties into categories:
Supporters in the Stands: This seems like one of the safest areas to be during the games. As a member of the crowd in the stands, you are sufficiently removed from the physical harm of the heavy weights themselves. The unforeseen danger here, though, is the threat of going deaf. You see, directly in front of the bleachers are the loud speakers. And the speakers are set at such a volume that enables all of Edinburgh to hear the results of each throw. Some people in Stirling may have even heard the announcements. You may have even heard some of them.
Supporters on the Ground: In order to feel even more involved in the games, many people choose to observe the competition from the side of the field. In the case of certain, milder events (such as sac races or dance competitions) this is a good idea. But when it comes to the heavy weights, it's view at your own risk.
From our view in the stands, we could see the men picking up a large hammer on the side of the field. They then proceeded to plant their feet and begin swinging the hammer in wide circles around their heads, eventually slamming it down into the ground. This was just the warm-up. In the event itself, appropriately named "The Hammer Throw," each man stood in a designated area, swung the hammer around and eventually let go, hurling the hammer as far as they possibly could. Hopefully the throw was in the direction intended for the contest. Hopefully.
Just before they began in earnest, the loudspeaker cracked into action, and the announcer informed our throbbing ears that everyone near the field should "be aware" of the event taking place. Rest assured, these men are the best in the world, but accidents happen. I expected him to encourage the field-side bystanders (some who were a mere 20 feet from the competitors) to move back. Instead he merely told them to keep their eyes on the thrower. I'm not sure what this would accomplish. If a 22 pound hammer comes careening toward your head, I don't think it much matters whether it hits the front or back of your head. But these are just the silly thoughts running through my head. What do I know?
The Competitors: Though obviously these men were in danger from each other's hammer throw, I feel like their
sheer size and athletic ability would provide them with some protection and dodging skills. They could probably just snatch the stray hammer out of thin air in front of them and laugh it off over a pint. The most dangerous event for them, in my opinion, was what they call "Tossing Weight for Height."
Essentially, the men were given a 56 lb. weight in the shape of a cow bell, which they had to swing back and forth between their legs and gain enough momentum to hurl it up through their legs, past their face, over their head and over a bar in the air above their head. It is intense. This picture was not taken by me, but I think it clearly illustrates the danger that I'm referring to when I describe this task. The weight is being thrown directly overhead, attempting to pass over a bar. What happens if it doesn't go over the bar, you ask? What happens if it hits the bar and quickly comes rushing down toward the competitor's head? They move. Usually, they can tell the throw didn't go well and they turn or go forward. But I've seen some near misses. And despite the fact that they may be so well trained that they aren't in any real danger, I flinched every time.
However, despite the dangers that threaten to maim all who travel to watch or participate in the Highland Games, they are well worth the risk. The spectacle and excitement generated by this constant intensity is something that's hard to describe. No matter who you're supporting, there's a general comradery and desire for everyone to perform well, to throw far, to throw high, and (most importantly) to stay alive. Plus, there's the added bonus that there are hundreds of men walking around in kilts, which is a pretty awesome sight to behold.
